Dear Daughter: Do As I Say, Not As I Do By Marie Jackson

This week’s “Dear Daughter” letter comes from my pal Marie Jackson. She is a wife, mom and children’s minister in Nevada. Marie reminds us that our own self image directly impacts our daughters’ sense of self worth as they get older and become more and more like us–with the same doubts, fears and lies from Satan.

Dear Daughter,

Do as I say, not as I do.

From everyone around you, you have heard:
“You look so much like your mom.”
“You look exactly like your mom.”
“That one looks like her mom.”
“You even have the same body type.”
And then, you hear your mom say:
“I can’t find anything that fits me.”
“My butt is so big.”
“I need to start working out.”
“That would not look good on me.”
“I hate my hair.”

I remember the first time I heard someone say you looked like me. And I remember the pride in my heart. I mean, I see so much of your dad in you. Your BEAUTIFUL smile to start. Then I started seeing more and more of me in you. You look so much like me! I love the sound of that. I love that people look at such a beautiful girl and see pieces of her mama.

It has gotten even more prevalent the older you get. Those sweet cheeks and that adorable smile. That thick hair and perfect eyes. The tiny forehead and those curves. You get all that from me.

I also remember the day it hit me like a freight train. The day I heard your own negative self talk and how that was just like your mama, too.

That’s when I realized how damaging my words had been. How in one breath I was calling you my mini me with pride and then the next moment telling myself how disappointed I was with my appearance.

How did I miss the correlation for so many years?

I couldn’t keep telling you that you are beautiful and at the same time say you look exactly like me. I couldn’t in the next breath say something negative about my reflection and then somehow expect that you saw beauty in the mirror.

The thing that is most convicting is how beautiful you really are.

And how much you look like me.

 That means I am beautiful.

How come my eyes don’t let me see me?

Probably the same reasons you have to struggle to see you. We have believed lies that have trained our eyes to see disappointment. Some of those lies spoken from my lips. No matter how much raw beauty is staring at us, we see too big, too small, too short, too tall, but only in ourselves. We certainly don’t see that in the next girl when we are playing the comparison game. That is when we see beautiful. The father of lies plays tricks with our eyes. He doesn’t want us to believe we are beautiful.

Then, the One who spoke our name with glory on His lips. The One who spoke the skies and the rainbows. The One who made everything that is beautiful. He shouts from the Heavens, and His truth rises.

It is a constant process of choosing to believe truth. Sometimes that task is so hard it feels laughable. Sometimes the lies are so loud. And then sometimes the truth comes with beautiful music, from the lips of your daughter. You speak truth, and it teaches your mama.

Don’t stop baby girl. This girl needs the reminders. Keep reminding us of truth.

You look just like me, and we are beautiful.

Marie Jackson

Marie has been married to her husband Robb for 20 years. They have eight children. Their chaotic home is in Reno, Nevada.

Marie works for her church leading the children’s ministry. She is passionate about children and families. Her heart’s desire is to encourage women of all ages with love and truth. She’s a giggles lovin’, laundry hating, Savior needing girl, trying to keep all the pieces together. Read more at giggleslaundryandthecross.com.