My 5 Worst Fears About Alzheimer’s Disease

People sometimes ask me if I’m scared that I, too, will get Alzheimer’s disease, like my mother did.

I’m not as scared as I used to be, but the possibility is always lingering in the back of my mind. Here are my five worst fears about Alzheimer’s disease.

My 5 Worst Fears about Alzheimer’s Disease

I’m sharing my five worst fears about Alzheimer’s disease because I believe our fears lose some of their power when we say them out loud.

1. Losing time

A good friend, who is a middle child, once told me, “You firstborns just go and do stuff.”

Well, yes. And the problem with that is?

I’ve had a strong sense of responsibility and urgency from a young age. I’m not the peacemaker or the great listener. I’m the leader and the doer.

Losing my mother to early onset Alzheimer’s disease before I was 30 only strengthened that sense of urgency. I don’t want dementia to steal any of my time on Earth, doing the things I love with my husband and our girls.

2. Losing my health

I am not afraid of death but I am afraid of prolonged pain and illness, after watching others like my mom and stepmom live through it. Few things scare me more than Alzheimer’s disease and cancer.

3. Losing my independence

Like the generations of women before me, I like to be in charge.

The thought of becoming vulnerable and helpless, unable to make decisions and care for myself and my children, is very scary. But that’s exactly what the progression of Alzheimer’s disease, and many other degenerative illnesses, looks like.

4. Losing myself

I am afraid of losing my identity as a wife, mom and believer. I’m afraid of losing the relationships that makeup that identity to Alzheimer’s disease. I’m afraid of no longer being “me.”

5. Losing my voice

I wonder if my fear of losing my voice has anything to do with my favorite Disney movie, The Little Mermaid.

As a writer, it is difficult for me to fathom losing my ability to communicate. I watched my language-loving mother slowly lose hers to early onset Alzheimer’s disease and became her advocate, her voice.

I don’t want my girls to have to become mine.