I Don’t Get to Do Anything with My Mom Anymore because She’s Dead

I still feel jealous when I see women my age hanging out with their mothers.

And I still feel angry when I hear women my age complaining about their moms.*

These feelings hit me especially hard around Mother’s Day.

I don’t get to hang out with my mom anymore because she’s dead.

Unfortunately, I don’t get to hang out with my mom anymore.

I don’t get to laugh with her.

I don’t get to cry with her.

And I don’t get to watch my favorite shows with her.

I don’t get to go shopping with her.

I don’t get to cook with her.

And I don’t get to travel with her.

I don’t get to eat lunch with her.

I don’t get to talk on the phone with her.

And I don’t get to celebrate holidays with her.

I don’t get to celebrate her birthday with her.

I don’t get to celebrate my birthday with her.

And I don’t get to celebrate my kids’ birthdays with her.

I certainly don’t get to leave my kids at her house. (In fact, I never did.)

I don’t get to do anything with my mom anymore.

I don’t get to do anything with my mom anymore because she’s dead.

As I became an adult, my mother became almost childlike with early onset Alzheimer’s disease.

As I gained my independence, my mother lost hers to dementia.

And as I got married and bought my first house, my mother moved into a nursing home.

As I became a mom for the first time, my mom entered hospice care.

And as I became a mother for the second time, my mother died.

Now, I don’t get to hang out with my mom unless I go to the cemetery where she is buried.

And when I’m lucky, I get to see her in my dreams.

Please don’t complain to me about your mom.

So please don’t complain to me about your mom.*

You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

My mom wasn’t perfect.

But I would give anything to hang out with her one more time.

(Disclaimer: This message is in no way directed at women with abusive or neglectful mothers. You have suffered your own form of grief and loss, and I am so sorry.)

A version of this post was originally published April 12, 2021.