How I’m Pushing “Pause” to Be Present Right Now
Writing has been a huge part of my ministry and a tremendous source of joy in my life for many years. With what felt like clear direction from God each step of the way, I published my first book last year and naturally held on to dreams of publishing more.
Yet despite all my eager expectation, in recent months God pushed “pause” on my writing career in a major way. Grief, caregiving challenges, and anxiety pushed me into a painful state of paralysis. Except for tiny spurts here and there for specific writing assignments, I was unable to exercise what I have for so long—and so pridefully—held up as my most God-appointed gift and calling. And it hurts.
As the Little Mermaid so eloquently asks the Sea Witch, “But without my voice, how can I…?”
Satan tells me almost daily that I have nothing to offer if I’m not producing valuable content. Much like Ursula instructs Ariel, he tells me to compensate for my lack of words with my “looks,” my “pretty face.” (“And don’t underestimate the importance of body language!”) He appeals to my deep-seated vanity and deceives me into thinking that focusing my time on marketing and branding can fill the void left by my absent writing. Just keep performing, he says.
But what if writing and building a platform is not my greatest gift and calling after all? What if my greatest gift and ministry is perseverance—learning to stay the course and keep my eyes fixed on Jesus in the midst of struggle? What if writing is simply one way to share that story, not a calling in and of itself? What if God is simply asking me to keep showing up for my own life right now, no matter how hard things become, believing that eventually whatever writing he wants me to do will follow?
Read more at The Glorious Table.
