Mama, He’s Crazy: My Mother’s Wisdom About My Future Husband

It means the world to me that my mother knew my husband before it was too late.

I remember telling my mother about my feelings for my future husband, heartbroken about his feelings for someone else at the time, during my freshman year of college.  That conversation always make me think of one of my favorite songs by the Judds, “Mama, He’s Crazy,” that I used to listen to with my mom in the car as a young child.

Even in the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease, my mother was so wise:  “Maybe you’re the kind of girl he wants to marry, not the kind of girl he wants to date right now.”

About six months after we finally started dating and shortly after my mother’s initial diagnosis, while at the Texas coast with my family, I asked my mother if she wanted to walk down to the beach. She looked at the two of us mischievously and, with a big grin on her face, said, “When I have grandchildren to take to the beach … .” It caught me off guard at the time but I guess she knew he was the one.

He certainly made a good impression on her. In the first year or so after moving my mother into a nursing facility, she continued to recognize my husband, calling him by name on many occasions, even though she already often seemed confused about who I was.

Of course, she doesn’t seem to recognize anyone now, except possibly her father, and she will never be able to take her grandchildren to the beach. Still, it is comforting to know that she knew and was very fond of my partner in life and the father of my child.

My husband has replaced my mother as my best friend and number one confidant, a transition made easier in a way because my mother was no longer capable of filling that role. This is a bittersweet reality. For several years, I lamented the fact that I can no longer have a tangible relationship with the person with whom I have more in common than anyone else on this planet. Yet, learning to trust God and my husband to protect me and provide for my needs, instead of relying on my mother as I once did, has been an incredible blessing. This was especially evident during my miscarriage and surgery and during the recent birth of our daughter.

My husband reminds me of my maternal grandfather in many ways–he is honest, kind, intelligent and passionate but often reserved.  Baby Girl is so blessed to have a father who will pay attention to and value her feelings, who will encourage and respect her, who will model her Heavenly Father’s unconditional love to her.

I am so grateful for this blessing and know that my mother is grateful that I found him, too.