People who put up Christmas decorations before Halloween are not to be trusted.

There is a season for spreading Yuletide cheer, and October is not it.

Dates and seasons matter. There is an appointed time for everything.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance …

-Ecclesiastes 3: 1-4 ESV

When you’ve lost someone you love, dates matter. Your loved one’s birthday forever matters, and the anniversary of their death forever matters.

But, more than dates, actions matter. Celebrating someone while they’re still alive and then celebrating their memory matters. That’s what “paying our respects” looks like over time.

Autumn: a time for remembering

October and November are filled with these important dates.

The October birthdays of my mother and maternal grandmother and our late family friend “Tracer” and the November anniversary of my stepmom Karen’s death and our youngest daughter’s birthday make Autumn a special time for remembering in our family.

Celebrating service

Major Rick “Tracer” Schafer’s birthday is tomorrow, October 30th, and his widow, and my sweet friend, Ashley is throwing a party for him around the world.

She’s asking friends and family to remember his life and his service to our country in special ways, by wearing their #americastrong “Tracer’s Link” shirts, sharing photos and memories of him with their daughters, eating his favorite BBQ and sweet tea, thanking a veteran or making a donation to Folds of Honor.

Ashley recently became a spokesperson for Folds of Honor, an organization that has committed to provide funds for her two daughters’ education:

Of the one million-plus dependents adversely affected by deployments, nearly nine out of 10 do not qualify for federal scholarship assistance. Since 2007, the Folds of Honor has carried forth this singular, noble mission. To close the gap, providing educational support to spouses and children of America’s fallen and wounded soldiers.

Those who knew Rick keep his memory alive by celebrating his life every day, but especially on days like his October birthday.

Celebrating gratitude

Next month, we’ll remember the first anniversary of my stepmom Karen’s passing on Thanksgiving Day. She died exactly one year after her mom died and one day before our youngest daughter’s first birthday.

Karen, Thanksgiving, and Little Bit are now forever linked in my mind.

And how perfect it is that my stepmom is linked to Thanksgiving, since one of my favorite memories of her is the first time she watched my oldest daughter while my maternal grandfather was in the hospital, right after she and my dad got married.

I really didn’t know her very well at the time but was making an effort to get to know her. My 18-month-old Big Girl wasn’t speaking a lot yet but had a full vocabulary of basic sign language at her disposal.

I remember teaching Karen some of her most frequently used signs before I left for Houston that day. My father-in-law traded off with her as babysitter halfway through the day, and my stepmom told him she had figured out of all our girl’s signs except for one that she kept doing over and over all morning.

She showed him the sign in question, and he said, “Oh, that means ‘thank you’.”

Karen, who was never able to have children of her own, fell in love with my Big Girl’s gratitude that day. And I fell in love with my stepmom’s love for my child that day.

“She was thanking me all along,” she said, beaming, every time she told that story. It was Karen’s favorite memory of our oldest daughter, and now it’s one of my favorite memories of Karen.

Celebrating 90 years

Yesterday, we celebrated my feisty maternal grandmother’s 90th birthday.

Her short term memory is going, her arm is still in a sling after shoulder surgery in September and her energy level is not what it used to be, but her spirit is strong. She still wants to be as independent and active as possible every day.

And, as difficult as watching over her from 2 hours away can be, we are so blessed to still have her with us. She had suggested waiting to celebrate her birthday until next year, given the situation with her healing arm, but her 90th birthday is a once-in-a-lifetime kind of deal.

So my mother-in-law baked a pecan pie, we loaded my girls in her SUV, and we set off for Sealy, Texas, to make sure my grandmother had an extra special day.

It ended up becoming humorous as us “short” people (I was the tallest, unfortunately) attempted to replace light bulbs in my grandparents’ house without a stepladder but, all in all, it was a great day celebrating 90 years of Great-Grandma.

And, on my grandmother’s birthday, we feel the absence of my mom, another October baby, just a bit more.

When we take a photo of 4 generations of ladies, and realize one of those generations is missing, we grieve a little harder.

When we look at old birthday cards that my mom, Dixie, gave her mother, we wonder what could have been without Alzheimer’s disease.

Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. – James 4:14 ESV

And then we thank God for the blessing that is 90 years on Earth and all of the other blessings we have received in His infinite wisdom.

And we say ‘It is well’.

What are you remembering this Autumn?