I have struggled with depression, anxiety and even panic attacks since adolescence.

Some of this has been hormonal, some has been situational.  My mental health affects my physical health, zapping my energy, my appetite and my immune system, and I end up plagued by weight loss, frequent illness and chronic sinusitis.

And, inevitably, it affects my marriage and my parenting.

Choosing joy

At a recent low point, throwing up with a stomach virus and convinced my husband would have to rush me to the emergency room in the middle of the night because I was already so skinny, I prayed, “Dear God, please make me well.”

I usually struggle to hear God “speak to me” but this time, as plain as day, I heard Him say, “You have to want to be well.”

That moment changed everything.  Sure, I have momentary lapses into anxiety but I’ve realized that I have to be intentional and deliberate about my own health and happiness.  I have to make choices every day that support my emotional wellness.

And I especially have to model self care and self love for my young daughters.

I’ve been singing The Temptations’ “My Girl” to my 3 year old daughter since she was a baby. She requests it every night.

I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it’s cold outside, I’ve got the month of May.

And, isn’t that what real joy is all about–inner peace regardless of external circumstances?

Seeking and creating joy is a choice.

(Side note: I am in no way implying that anti-depressants are not, at times, necessary. I have used them myself for brief time periods. Sometimes, you need medication to bring your serotonin levels up enough to even try out these suggestions.)

10 Ways to Bring Sunshine to Your Soul

Here are some tried and true tricks I’ve learned to choose joy:

1. Do one thing you love every day (even if it means getting up early).

No matter what, or who, is on your schedule today, you must carve out time for you. For me, personally, this means writing, even if it’s just finding a few minutes to journal, or taking a hot shower (alone!) or sitting on my back deck with a glass of wine after a long day.

I actually keep journals and notebooks scattered throughout my house to jot down thoughts and ideas throughout the day.  This way, writing is very achievable even if it’s accomplished in tiny increments.

2. Reconnect with an old friend.

This could be a person, a hobby, a book, or even a place. In recent years, I’ve become close to a dear friend from high school again, and our rekindled relationship brings me so much joy. She recently made my day by asking me to a bridesmaid in her wedding this summer. I think our friendship is so rewarding because we know each other’s hearts. After all, she knew me as “that terrified skinny girl in high school.”

I also recently took a sewing crash course to refresh my very rusty memory of learning this hobby from my maternal grandmother as a child. My mother was an amazing seamstress, even making my prom dress shortly before her Alzheimer’s symptoms appeared, and I really regret not paying more attention to her skilled use of the sewing machine that now sits in my (recently less cluttered) office/junk room. Now, I have the basic skill-set to honor my mother’s memory through her cherished craft and create new sewing memories with my own daughters.

Next up is a knitting refresher course.  And a watercolor refresher course.  And a calligraphy refresher course 🙂

3. Get moving.

You don’t even have to leave the house. Put on your favorite tunes, and dance around the living room (with your kids, your significant other or even your dog). Maybe even dust and sweep to the music if a dirty house is bringing you down. Practice along with a yoga or Pilates video on YouTube.  If the weather’s nice, do some gardening or go for a walk.

Studies show that exercise is actually most beneficial in the morning, so you may need to get up early for this one, too.

4. Allow yourself to be still.

I know this sounds contradictory to #3 but they actually complement one another. While you need exercise, you also need rest, physically and mentally. This is one reason yoga has been so beneficial to me through stressful seasons of life.

Vinyasa teaches me to focus on my breath and intentionally relax. I used to dread savasana (relaxation pose) at the end of each yoga practice because it meant I had to lay still but now I cherish that time because I’ve learned how to really “be still” in my body and my mind for a precious few rejuvenating minutes.  Having a morning quiet time for meditation and prayer first thing in the morning can also be very refreshing to the soul.

Let someone else pamper you once in a while.  Get a massage or, if that’s not in the budget, a pedicure (at least you’ll get a foot massage).  You can even ask your spouse or significant other to rub your feet or your shoulders while you’re watching TV together on the couch, but you might want to return the favor on occasion.  You can also use aromatherapy with essential oils to help you chill out.  My favorites for relaxation are lavender and frankincense.

5. Practice gratitude.

Celebrate everything.  If you want your glass to be half full, you have to fill it. Focus on the good in your life, instead of lamenting the not so good. I love the idea of recording daily thanksgiving in a gratitude journal or blessings jar or in the sidebar of your fancy, cute planner.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:8 ESV

I like to ask my three year old what she is thankful for at the end of each day. Her answers usually make me laugh or at least smile.

6. Get rid of stuff.

Physical clutter translates into emotional clutter. Don’t let extra stuff weigh you down. Carefully edit what’s in your closet, your pantry, your coffee table, your craft room, your kids’ rooms on a regular basis.

Getting rid of things is so much easier when you know they’re going to bless someone else. Give nice clothes that no longer fit to a friend they would fit and flatter. (Or send higher end items to ThredUp if you really need the cash. P.S. We both get $10 off if you use my link to place your first like-new clothing order.)  Send old bras you no longer wear to Free the Girls to help sex trafficking survivors start their own businesses.

You can even get your kids involved in this one.  Give your children’s outgrown clothing and toys and your old maternity clothes to a local pregnancy center.  Take old books and magazines to a nursing home or give them to a school art class to make collages. Give excess fabric or craft supplies to a girl scout troop.

7. Serve others.

Nothing can make you feel quite as good as helping someone else. Take a meal to someone who just had a new baby, just lost a loved one, or is just struggling. Send a card to cheer up a friend. Showing others that they are valuable makes you feel valuable at the same time.

Volunteer at your church or at a school, nursing home, respite program or nonprofit.  Volunteering with preschool and elementary age children is an especially good mood booster for me.

8. Laugh.

Laughter really is the best medicine.  Don’t take yourself so seriously. Laugh at your mistakes and move on.  Laugh with your kids, laugh with your friends, laugh with your spouse, even if it means watching a funny movie together or telling knock knock jokes with your three year old.  Here’s a good one from the other night, after my husband taught her the classic “interrupting cow” joke:

Three year old: Knock knock

My husband: Who’s there?

Three year old: Joking cow!

9. Stop comparing!

This one requires an exclamation point.  The grass will always, always, always be greener on the other side.  You can’t spend your whole life trying to measure up to and compete with everyone around you.  This only breeds disappointment and discontentment.

Comparison is the thief of joy. – Theodore Roosevelt

Someone will always be skinnier than you, prettier than you, smarter than you, healthier than you.  I promise.  And that’s okay, because they’re not YOU.  Only you can ever be you.  Please don’t ever forget that.  You are a unique creation, made in the Creator’s image, and you bring your own God-given talents and value to the table, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says.

10. Forgive yourself and others.

Practice grace.  Be kind and patient with yourself and others.  Let go of perfectionism.  Be thankful for the struggles in your journey, too, because they give you wisdom and perspective to more fully appreciate your blessings.

In learning to choose joy, you’ve got to start somewhere.  If you’re accustomed to choosing sorrow, remember, the first step is always the hardest.

With time, these guidelines will become easier and easier and eventually become habit.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV

How will you choose joy?

Love,

Lauren