Why Mother’s Day Is Filled with Grief (and Hope) for Me

Mother’s Day is filled with grief and hope for me.

One Mother’s Day weekend, our family went fishing with my in laws and maternal grandmother on the Texas coast. Mother’s Day is a difficult time for my grandma and myself, since losing my mom to early onset Alzheimer’s disease. We thought that the trip would provide a nice diversion for all of us.

When we arrived, I immediately spotted Texas wildflowers on the sandy beach and a mockingbird tending to her nest in a palm tree. I should have known that this would be no ordinary weekend for my family.

Why Mother’s Day is filled with grief (and hope) for me

I remember watching my girls play in the waves. I remember watching my husband wade out in the bay with his fishing pole, I remember watching the Kentucky Derby. And I remember getting the call from my grandpa’s nursing home Saturday afternoon. They let me know that his time was near.

After touching base with his hospice nurse and a family friend back home, we had to make decisions.

Our beach vacation was cut short as my in laws hurried my grandma back home to say goodbye Saturday night. My husband, girls, and I followed early Mother’s Day morning. We left right after I witnessed that determined mockingbird grabbing a worm for her babies.

As we pulled into town, I got the nursing home’s call that my grandfather had passed away. I realized that I had missed my chance to tell him goodbye by mere minutes. (I hadn’t seen him in about a month. We were originally supposed to visit him at the end of our beach trip.)

The next two days were sort of a blur. I stayed with my grandmother to make funeral arrangements while everyone else returned home. My brother arrived in time to help with final details. The rest of my family and in laws returned in time for the funeral.

In reality, the last year has been a bit of a blur.

I lost another piece of my mom last Mother’s Day. Then, I watched my grandmother​ decline mentally and physically under another layer of grief. Monday marked the release of my second children’s book, Where Did My Sweet Grandpa Go?: A Preschooler’s Guide to Losing a Loved One. But it was also the one-year anniversary of my maternal grandfather’s death on Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day is filled with grief

Today marks the anniversary of saying our final goodbyes at my grandpa’s memorial service.

No matter how many loved ones’ deaths I experience, I don’t think it will ever really get any easier to let them go. No amount of counseling, medication, exercise or rest can erase my grief. Only time can ease the pain of my loved ones’ absence.

But faith helps.

Putting my trust in God’s bigger plan for his Creation and in his eternal love for mankind brings me great peace. I believe my chlidren’s books–Where Did My Sweet Grandpa Go? and its companion, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go?–are powerful because they point both children and adults to these promises.

Mother’s Day is filled with hope

Little did I know, when I penned that simple poem for my daughters three years ago, that I would end up using my late mom’s artwork alongside my own to publish children’s books for grieving families. And little did I know that I would desperately need my Sweet Grandpa book this week.

Jesus told his disciples in the Sermon on the Mount:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:3 ESV

He knew that God will always meet us in our pain and grief. God offers the peace and comfort only he can provide.

Mother’s Day may always remind me of my mother’s absence. And it will probably always remind me of losing my grandfather. But it will also always remind me that–like my mother, my mockingird–I am building a legacy of faith and hope for my daughters each day.

Mother’s Day reminds me of eternal love

And, most importantly, Mother’s Day will always remind me of my Heavenly Father’s eternal love for me.