The final stage of grief lasts forever.
My mother has been dead for 10 years.
But I’ve been grieving her loss for over 15 years.
My grief process started back in 2006 with my mother’s early onset Alzheimer’s diagnosis.
The final stage of grief lasts forever.
I will never stop grieving the loss of my mother.
Because I miss my mom today. And every day.
Five stages of grief
We generally accept that there are five stages of grief.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified these grief stages as: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
(I would argue that there are actually seven stages of grief.
Because I think shock comes before denial. And guilt comes before bargaining.)
I’ve experienced every single one of these grief stages. Multiple times.
But I think we forget that the final stage of grief–acceptance–lasts forever.
I can now accept my mother’s death.
But her absence never goes away.
Grief lasts forever.
Grief is a permanent part of me.
The loss of my mother forever shapes my perspective and my decision-making.
It affects my relationships and my parenting.
But grief and loss no longer holds me back.
It now propels me forward.
Grief gives me a sense of urgency to achieve my goals and live out my dreams.
And it grants me a depth of empathy and compassion for others around me who are grieving.
Grief never ends.
So please stop telling me to “move on” from grief.
That’s like telling me to move on from love.
I will never stop missing my mom.
Just like I will never stop loving my mom.
Grief never ends. It simply changes and evolves.
Because the final stage of grief lasts forever.
A version of this post was originally published June 11, 2021.
